The Ice Queen
by domineko
Summary: It's just a little Christmas fluff between Machi and Hisoka. Warning: OOC-ness is apparent in the fic.


The Ice Queen 

The Ice Queen 

* * *

DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine(siiiiigh). They all belong to Yoshihiro Togashi by legal means, etc, etc, etc... 

* * *

Hisoka approached me, looking at me with a maniac and demented expression in his face, a smile started to grace his lips. His hair was down, the red, furious and flaming as ever. 

"Hello, Icee." he commented, the grin in his face extending on both sides of his face. 

It was one of the most annoying grins I got from him, and I hate it. 

"Take that look off, Hisoka." I glimmered as coldly as I could. 

"Aww... Come on, Machi. It's Christmas. Feel the joy!" he gestured to the colorful toy store window. "The laughter! The kids! The assassins and theives are all taking breaks! The snow! The--" 

"--mouth of yours that won't shut up." I cut him short. 

It's been almost year since Pakunoda's death. The event has inflicted a large damage to the group, and we were forced to lie low, disperse and if possible, not to make contact with each other. 

IF possible. 

It just so happened that this clown has been 'clowning around' in the very same coffee shop that I am in. He noticed me and sat on my table, as we both sat there, drinking latte and trying to act like the old times. We did our usual annoy-machi-and-diss-hisoka thing, not noticing that it has been such a long time since we last met. It's as if we've never been apart. 

Unfortunately. 

"Icee... icee.. icee..." Hisoka began to chant. 

I stared at the frost-covered window, seeing my reflection. I saw my long, bushy midnight hair and a pair of eyes which shone like golden moons. I was like the night, dark, mysterious and... cold. 

Icee. A short term for ice queen. Though I apparently am not very fond of cold weather or of anything connected with ice, he called me the ice queen. Ice queen: alone, distant, cold as ice... 

Am truly what I see here? In the mirror? 

"Hey," Hisoka called. "Machi! Helloooooo?" 

My thoughts disappeared into thin air as Hisoka called my attention. Both of us have quite finished out cups of caffeine, and I apparently am in a calm and dreamy mood. 

He stretched out another one of his annoying smiles and said, "Why don't we take a walk outside?" 

A walk outside?! Hello?! Did I just hear that right? Hisoka, the annoying, red-headed, blood-lusted, evil-tainted, ever-irritating smiler of a clown is asking me out? For a walk? 

And despite my attempts to call it off, ward him off and go away, I found myself outside, in a winter park of snow-covered trees and playground. 

We walked rather slowly, and it was a quiet, timid walk. The environment was very quiet, and the white snow added a mysterious property to the mood of the park. 

The snow... 

I thought of myself again, the ultimate ice queen. I suddenly realized that my ice-cold personality was my cover. I created it myself, my ice wall that bars my true emotions from myself and the real world. I keep them all in my heart, the pain, the misery, the joy and the sadness I felt. I kept them even from myself, because I believed in living a life of lies. 

My true reason for joining the genei is not to get rich, not to be famous, and not to learn how to kill. These are things that I can live without. These are insignificant to me. I joined the genei to know what matters... 

But the truth was, I was afraid. very afraid. I knew that I joined the genei to find love, or even just companionship. Someone who can tell you that 'I'm still here'. I knew that what i asked for will come for a price, and this price is inflicted by my innocence, my conscience and myself. But most of all, I will experience pain. 

I was afraid. I have been hurt before, and I never want to be hurt again. This is why I kept everything to myself, and I lied. I lied and lied, to my comrades, to my friends, to the world and to myself. Why? Because I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be left out in the cold of the blizzard, alone to experience the pain and anguish of love. 

Or maybe I did lie to myself for a specific purpose. I wear a mask that hides myself from the rest of the world. My true face lies underneath that mask, and even I can't see myself when I face the mirror of truth. I fear too much. I fear being alone. I fear of never being loved... 

Yet I deprive myself of love itself. I know that I feel it, I know that I experience it, but I lie and cheat myself by not admitting it. So more pain is inflicted to me each and every day, until... I lose myslef. I no longer am Machi. I am longer a person... 

I am the ice queen. Dark, mysterious, unknown. I am invisible, I cannot see myself and I blend in my surroundings. I am hollow, I do not know me, I am lost among the blizzard I myself have created. I stay in the shadows always, because my ice heart shall melt if I bathe in the light. 

Yet somehow, only wish that someone would come. And that one would set me free of my ice statue form, release me from the lies that I bound myslef in. To see through the mask I've put on, and to let me look at myself in the mirror, not as the invisible ice queen, but as Machi. Machi the human being. 

My thoughts swirled in my head in utter confusion. Tears, though I deny them, began to swell in my eyes, and will fall soon if the cold temperature does not freeze them. Tears... 

"Machi?" Hisoka asked. His face was serious, not smiling, not blank. Just... serious. 

"What?!" I asked, putting on my mask once again, a mask of frustration and annoyance and sarcasm into one. 

Hisoka, bearing that serious look in his face, leaned over as quickly as he can, and gave me a cheek's kiss. I felt his lips brush against my cold cheek, gracing them with a dash of warmth. He dropped a small package in my hands, and walked away. 

I didn't object. I didn't give a snide remark, I stayed silent, and I am too awed and confused to put on my mask. I cannot find it, it has disappeared, lost. I looked at the package at my hand. It was wrapped in red giftwrapping paper. I opened the package and viewed its contents. 

Inside was a small figurine of a snowflake, a pendant dangling in a silver chain. It was a made out of crystal, and it shone like a diamond when hit by the sun's rays. It was crystal clear, yet it gave a form. It gave a hint that someday, it will be what it is, not a clear, hollow figure, but a real snowflake. 

Just like me. 

I found a note in the package, written in a soft, graceful writing. I took it, and read the message. 

'To my Ice Queen,' it read. 'Merry Christmas.' 

Tears started to fall from my eyes. This snowflake is the most beautiful gift I have ever received. I was so happy, so happy, that I cried. I poured myself out in the open, clutching the gift as if I'm never going to let go. I feel so relieved. I knew that putting on this mask is worth it. My wait is over. Someone has seen through it, he has set me free, and now I know who I really am, and be who I really am. 

I am Machi. I am Hisoka's Ice Queen. 

"Hisoka!" I cried at his not-so-far distance from me. My voice was slightly choked as i was half soaked in tears. He turned, surprised, and as if the impossible happened, that smile of his was still the same, yet it was different. 

Why? 

Because now, I know what it really meant. 

It was warm, accepting, apologetic and slightly hopeless. What he knew is, I would come up with a desired sarcastic comeback, for the kiss and the note, but I didn't do that. They were all part of my mask. My mask is gone. 

I smiled and said, with all my heart and honesty, "Thank you." 

Maybe being an ice queen isn't so bad after all. 

* * *

+^+owari+^+ 


End file.
